The True Me

Im thinking... Should I put the true me inside of my heart? Ok.. Lets say in which way. Im training myself to control my emotion. So what I mean the true me is the me that not controlling emotion. B4 this, I dun control my emotion at all. I do what I like, speak out what I feel. Is time to change. I should start controlling my emotion. Not laughing so happily, Not going to cry although Im sad. This can also stop my habit of crying. I guess I will only show my true me in front of some closed friends. My brother is the priority. Lol.. He is always the most important 1. I guess my bf in future will be jealous of him cz my brother might be more important than my bf. Lol... I told my brother about this and he say he pity my bf. Lol...kk... deal.. start from now onwards, I am a new me.

Angel [12.51am 24th October 2010]

Should I not having friends?

Should I not having friends? Im so concerned about all my friends' feeling especially about the feeling they felt on me. I love all my friends until I cant lose any of them. I have lost 1 just because he tot that I made he and his gf break up. He hate me until now. I cant do anything. I did try to talk to him but everytime I appear at where he appeared, he will just show his 'black' face and treat me like air. Im so sad about it. He was my friend since form1. I cant believe 4 years of friendship just broke just cz of a thought. Thought, thought, thought... Y everyone like to thought?!!! and now there is another case. I have been so closed with 1 of my classmate a few months ago. I duno since when she dun like me but I suspected when I felt it. There is a sentence say: People will treat u as how u treat them. Im doing now. She just... I dun want to tell the situation here. Her action just made me feel so sick of her. She dun treat me as friend then fine!! I will let go. Y everyone like to hurt me so much?!!

Angel [10.07pm 13th October 2010]

A Great dinner with Mum... =)

(12th October 2010) My mum asked me out for dinner just now. Around 7 o'clock, she reach my hostel to bring me for dinner. At 1st, we have no idea where to eat until we parked our car beside those shoplot. We walked along the road and mum saw a vegetarian restaurant. She dun like meat so she suggested to eat in the restaurant. The restaurant named 'Forever Green'. It's a very unique restaurant with the interior design of chinese culture. The whole interior design bring us back to the old times, the traditional restaurant design, is like we are born 100 years b4. Lol but there is a few things which made the restaurant design imperfect: the air-conditioner and the lamp hanging on the ceiling. It looks weird and bring us back to the 21th century. xD The food were tasty and nice. I ordered sweet ans sour fish rice and my mum ordered fried rice(some special fried rice lol). Everything in the restaurant are so unique. I like the environment there. At least not with the smell of smoke. Me and my mum plan to go again next time and try for other food in there. Im sure they wont disappoint us. =)

Angel [2.18pm 13th October 2010]

Korean Addicted!!! xD

Recently, Im addicted to all those korean band and groups like SHINee, 2pm, SNSD, TVXQ, TRAX, Super Junior, SS501, Big Bang and more!!! Lol I really crazy over them. Finally something make me happy or I should say finally I found something I really like now. =) Lol cz of korean addicted, met a few friends whom are same as me like JJ, Soshi and alot more. We love korean songs and we update their news frequently. We are really crazy rite? lol since i woke up and on my laptop, I start listening to korean songs until now. Let me count.. How many hours I have been listening to all these songs? 11am, 12pm, 1pm...........3pm.....6pm...8pm and now is 12am... excluded dinner time, I have been listening to all these korean song for 12 hours!!! Walao.. Keep on repeat and repeat my song list. By the way, I need to download more korean song. Especially for SHINee's songs. Im addicted to their songs recently. Hehe... Time to study with Earphone still on with KOREAN SONGS!!! xD

Angel [12.28am 13th October 2010]

Lack of Oxygen...

I really gotta stop my bad habit. When Im lonely, I will find some1 but without thinking about their feeling and willingness. So selfish am I. I have a habit now. A very terrible 1. If I dun see my brother for 1 week, I will feel so hard to breath.. Is like asthma. It has been a habit. It shldn't be like this. Everything gotta change. I cant just be this selfish. 1 more weeks or maybe 2 weeks until after my mock, this 2 weeks is a good chance to change my living style. If it success, that's the best but I know this 2 weeks I will be suffering alot for sure. If it failed, then more suffer in the future. By the way, although I see my brother, I still duno what he thinking. Lol so hard to communicate. Even my closest brother I cant communicate with, then hu else can I?

Angel [11.25pm 8th October 2010]

Habit is a Drug!!

Doing the same thing everyday will make it a habit. 1 day when I cant do this thing, I feel so emo and sad and down. Imagine u cant do that thing for 3 weeks?!!! It has been 2 weeks. Im suffering. I know I gotta adapt to it but I just feel so unhappy, tired, exhausted and down without doing it. It was like killing me! It made no difference either in physically or mentally. It's like a drug. U need it everyday. Without it, u will suffer and feel like dying. I rather some1 come n kill me rather than suffering physically and mentally.

Angel [11.43pm 7th October 2010]

Sick?

In the early morning of 2 days ago, I got a very serious stomachache. I not sure whether is stomachache or gastric. The pain just made me dun feel like standing up. It last for 5 mins. Then the pain went off. Lol.. Yesterday, when im teaching in TTC at night, I feel all my vision are kinda blur and totally exhausted. That kind of feeling is like I can fall anytime, anytime. 2day, this morning woke up, whole body is full with red rashes, n it was pain, those rashes is like burning yr skin. I took the medicine then go to class. In the class, dun really can concentrate also. Vision was blur, felt so sleepy. After dinner, I feel very very very tired, in physically n also in mentally. So I fall asleep. Woke up after an hour of sleep, I feel hard to breath. What is all these above? Am I physically sick or mentally? I am so tired. I not sure whether I can stand tmr.

Angel [10.46pm 7th October 2010]

Lets try!

We r so closed but I still dun understand u. The 8th of September, is the only day we really open our heart and talk. We know that we dun chat much. We dun have much common topic. Maybe is because we are always together. I have adapt to the life of meeting u everyday. Without u beside me, I feel lonely. But I have to stop this kind of habit now. I know u will be leaving me soon, very soon. So I really have to stop myself from now on. Lets try!! From now on till the end of yr exam, or the end of yr holiday, or maybe the end of my exam, lets not stick to u anymore. This might be suffering, I may regret on this decision, but lets c what will happen. Life without u..

Angel [5.35pm 5th October 2010]

Sixth Sense..

This morning, B4 I leave my house, I have the unsecured feeling. I feel something but i duno what. Finally when I reach hostel, I know what's with that kind of feeling. I forgot my hostel keys. I left it in the house. These 2 days very malang, always get myself and friends around me into trouble. I feel so sorry to them. Now I forgot my keys, gotta trouble my roommate to open the door for me. What a trouble am I exists in this world!
I always feel different b4 something is going to happen. Is this what we called sixth sense? About ytd, actually I did predict that my microsoft would be locked and it came true. Is this sixth sense? I think so. Not only these 2 days, since 3 years ago I start having this kind of so called 'sixth sense' Not to say it is a good thing but not a bad thing also. Specifically, I have this kind of feeling since I believe in God. Maybe this is a gift from him.. :) Thanks God.. Hope every of my friend is blessed by God especially my brother. Hope God can help me and give him the power and strength to study. Thank you God for everything. :)

Angel [8.55pm 3rd October 2010]

Troubles to others

Prepare notes is part of my job. My department head told me 1 week b4 to do those notes but I just started doing it 1 day b4 the due date. How good am I as a subordinate!! Usually I counted the time just nice for me to do those work last min. Everything were just nice previously until Im so confident of myself. Today, the trouble came. I thought i can finish all those notes in a few hours time. When I see the list of what should I do, I know Im wrong. But still I believe I can do it. B4 8pm, I gotta finish all those notes. I thought to bring all those materials and bring it back home to continue. Unfortunately, what I worry finally came! My netbook microsoft office trial version is locked. So unfortunate. Not only this, this aftn I used 2 hours to do part of my notes and all the 2 hours effort were gone into the sea. What I did for the2 hours was gone! Everything went worse. I really should not look up on myself.

Angel [10.00pm 2nd October 2010]