Ignorance should just be my style of living...

I am a straight forward person. I speak what I feel. I am always being ignored by my friends, no matter how closed am I with my friend, there is no exception. Sometimes I just hope I can be the center of attraction all the time but this will only happen in my dream, that will never comes true. When I am still infant in thinking, I always hope that i can be a popular singer. I love to sing and I wanna be the center of attraction. I always stick to my friends like a glue no matter what cz I dun like the feeling of lonely but they felt annoying. That hurts but i cant blame them. It's not their fault, is normal to feel that. As a friend of them, I should give them freedom, same to my brother. When they have no time for me, to me that is being ignored. So selfish am I, always take things for granted. Sometimes friends just can forget me so easily is like a child being left by their parents in the shopping mall. No many friends can feel my presence. It's been long time ago since this kind of situation happen. Due to I am a boring person, not much common topic to chat with others, thats y I am always being forgotten. In old times, I will cry if I am being ignored by my friends. I should have used to it. Ignorance should just be my style of living. If I am used to this kind of living style then i wont be suffering so much, same to my friends and also my brother.

Angel [11.05pm 30th September 2010]

Shameless

Don't u feel shame of yrself? U ask money from yr daughter every 2 days. U r not disabled people. U have yr hands with u. Go find a job and WORK!!! Don't keep on dreaming to be an millionaire or billionaire. Yr face are so thick. I have never seen people this shameless b4. Do u know that u r o terrible until u made me hate u? U just spoiled the whole family. NOT ME!!! Don't put all the blame on me. Pls don't find those illegal job!!! U will just make my brother - Victor Cheng in trouble. He still need u but not me. Get away from my life. I seriously hope this will comes true and I know this is going to happen in 3 to 4 years time. With my own capability and strength, I want u to leave my life with no doubt. Yr presence just made my life getting worse and worse. Start from this year 30th December, I can get away from yr hands which controlling my life. I'm looking forward to that day. I wonder whether I will have tears when u r dead. I really wonder. I have no feelings to u. I don't hate u. I don't like u either.

Angel [1.16am 27th September 2010]

Sky of Love (恋空)

I believe those who are away from this world are in heaven now including my grandpa. He can watch me from the sky. The sky is so beautiful and great when it's not raining and cloudy, as great as how my grandpa treat me. When the sky is raining, does that mean my grandpa is crying? He was everything to me b4 6 years old. After the absence from this world, I felt that I had lost everything: Love, Care, Happiness, Warmness... I even lost my smile, my true smile. Until now I still cant get back what I have lost 11 years ago. I smile but not from the deepest of my heart. I laughed but not because I'm happy. Everything were so fake. I wanna find the true side of mine. To be specific, I wanna get back the real me, the YY that lost 11 years ago. Looking at the sky now, there is a very bright star in the dark nite. It's shining and so beautiful. Is that my grandpa watching me? I guess so. I love the sky.


Angel [11.13pm 26th September 2010]

Doggy phone chain =(

Sad le... =( I lost my doggy from the phone chain. It's from my gor. I duno how I lost it. It has been 1 week since I lost it but Im still searching all over the place i have been through normally. House, TTC, roads, any possible place that I might loss it. ......... (nth to say le)

Angel [12.05pm 25th September 2010]

Meeting..

There was meeting at 5.30pm just now. (23th September 2010) I'm busy arranging my transport to TTC since this morning. Yewho cant, Zhen Nam cant, Mr. Koh cant. Kill me PLS!!! I seriously dun like problems, especially for those that I cant really solve. It's bothering me fr whole day long until I cant even absorb a word of what my lecturer taught in the 5 hours time. Well Done, Angel!! You just wasted yr lecturer's energy on you! You made them feel disappointed! You better catch up with what you have missed. Finally at 4 something in the afternoon, I called Bing Soon. He was my SAVIOR of the day! Thank dude for fetching me.. =) During the meeting, we discussed about the plan for the following weeks which coming soon. We gotta prepare notes and more stuff for our beloved students. Their exam is coming soon! Very soon!! At here, I wish all my students ALL THE BEST 1st... =) GOOD LUCK xD.. kk... After all the physical problems, is time for personal issue problem. Me, Bing Soon and Tian Jun, we are still juniors in TTC. We are still growing from infancy to maturity. There is still a long way to go for us but 1st learn all those basic thing that we should. Ok start from here, all the issues are only related to me. JK talked to me face to face about my problem. She said I'm ok in overall but sometimes I din really show respects to my seniors. I cried but I duno I cried for what. What a Pity... Now I know why my band seniors dun like me.. Cz I dun respect people. Lol u may not believe this but It's true. There is always a reason for everything including my unrespect. Not to say I wanna put the blame on someone else but it's the fact. My D din teach me how to respect others. He dun respect me and he always scolded me for not respecting him. I seriously duno what I did that shows unrespect. He din tell me b4. I just follow what he did. He din even show respect to others and the way he interact with others is ok and shows respect. So I just follow until now. GREAT!!! 17 years of unrespect to others. I'm speechless now!! I seriously need to undergo a big change in my personality and the way I interact with people. Lol 1st step, I gotta ask my beloved gor to stop all my rudeness like the words I spoken. He is the only 1 person that can control me now in this whole world cz I will totally obey what he say. If I cant control myself, then I will be needing him to stop me. I guess this is the only thing that I can for now. 2nd step I haven think about it, lack of sleep time so not planning to think now. Hehe.. I wanna sleep happily. K la.. Chao 1st...=) Oh ya... 1 last thing, ALL THE BEST to my Beloved Piggy Gor for his chemistry exam tmr.. =) Nitez Piggy Gor... Nitez everyone.. =)


Angel [12.52am 24th September 2010]

HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT!!!

I seriously hate it when my D and M is going into a conversation which always brings me trouble. It ruins my life. I HATE IT!!! Extremely Hate it. I just wanna stay away from all this and have my own life. I wan a new life without all my family members. I wish to be an orphan now!! When u guys read this, maybe u will say: 'YY, u will regret when they leave u. ' Ya, maybe... but until now what they gave me is just sad and sorrow, troubles and troubles!!! HATE IT!!!!!!!!

Angel [11.44pm 13th September 2010]

Paramore ROCKS!!

Jung hao invited me to go for Paramore's concert in Malaysia on the 16th of October 2010. Kinda excited to watch Paramore live. This will be the 1st time for me to attend a live concert like this. Im looking forward to that day. Hope everything goes smoothly and thx to Jung Hao for solving my problem. =) Paramore ROCKS!! xD

Angel [1.06am 9th September 2010]

The 1st time of YYs

(8th September 2010) 4 hours of sleep, whole day din eat anything at all until 930pm. I dun feel any hunger cz my heart n mind is not with me. I searched my brother for the whole day. Finally able to meet him after his class ends at 430pm. I know we seriously need to talk about yesterday's matter. Thank God he wasn't like last time, no matter what I asked him he wont answer, he just ignored or try to change topic. Finally 2day he dare to speak out everything in his heart, his true feelings and his opinion about our relationship. We chat alot, shld say that we had never been chatting like this b4. This time we really say out whats in our heart. This is how brother n sister shld be. I had been looking forward to this long time ago. Our conversation included:
1. We wont be couple.
2. We are brother and sister 4ever.
3. Gf and Bf matter.
4. Love towards each other.
5. Matters about sense of security.
6. Relationship in the future.
7. Others.
Lol actually got alot more just all those are small matters so.. =) Im so happy that the wall btw 2 of us has gone. From 2day onwards, we share things together especially feelings n what we thking. I believe in my brother. I believe he can make it. =)

PS: Kor, dun feel guilty or pressure of anything. Do what u feel u shld do. Love ya..

Angel [12.44am 9th September 2010]

Brother or Lover?

This is the first time I being forced to face this question. Christine, my BFF asked me this question long time ago but she din force me to answer it. 1 hour ago, I had lunch with YY and his gang of friends. Leo and Wee Kah came out with a question: Do u like YY? I was shocked and use my laughter to answer his question. He kept on forcing me to answer it and YY was sitting beside me. I looked at him. His faces expression changed. Lol I guess he din think about this question b4. At last my answer was: I dun know... Leo said: how come dun know? Is either yes or no.. Lol I seriously duno. Im tired of thinking this matter. I just wanna stay beside him and smile, laugh together with him. After the question, all 4 of us eating our lunch silently. No body wanna talk. The atmosphere was so weird, make me feel so uncomfortable. He was sitting beside me but not his heart and his mind. I know he thinking something else. The whole meal time he was thinking something. I duno wad he thought. Maybe is Leo's question? I duno. There are many times I wanna make clear of our relationship but he put everything in his heart. He dun tell anyone. Everytime I ask him what he thinking, either he wont answer me or he will say something like chemistry. My love to him can be love from a sister to a brother. It can also be from a lover. I duno which type of love I having towards him but I know I love him. Everytime I wanna make clear of my love to him, the answer is always the same. There is no answer. Me myself also not clear about my love to him. In the end, I will be in a very tired condition.. very tired of thinking this kind of matter, seriously. I seriously hope we can make clear of our relationship one day.

Angel [3.13pm 7th September 2010]

I'm BACK!! =)

Wow! Long time I din update my blog le. Just gone through my progress test 2 and it was last week. During the week, I slept very 'early' as in morning 3am, 4am. Lol... My brother kinda worry about me. Lol Dun worry la Piggy. =) Wednesday nite was the extreme 1. I totally din sleep at all but I slept at 4pm until 7 something on wednesday. Then start from that time, activities until 3pm on thursday only go bak sleep. Lol.. Kinda crazy rite? This is not the craziest 1. The craziest 1 was TTC seminar. It was in March 2010. I think i wrote a post for that. Can refer back to it but then I will summarize here. I din sleep for 50 hrs. Its actually from friday morning 8 something until sunday morning 10am. I cant withstand anymore then I slept in the SunwayAuditorium. Lol.. Luckily we booked an audi as temporary TTC staff room, if not I wont have the chance to sleep so peacefully. Kinda addict to Chinese novels recently. Cant even control myself to stop reading it. I can read 1 novel in 1 nite time which is until 7am the next day. Some1 gotta control me! Lol.. I guess no 1 can for now. Kk.. Thats all about lack of sleep. =) proceed to next!! xD

I watched a video of SNSD (Girl's Generation) about their sleeping habits. The video is freaking funny. I encourage u guys to watch it when u r free or not happy. Sure u will laugh madly. Lol.. then I shared with my roommate and she laugh as happy as me 2. =) Then we start talking about sleeping habit. She said a good point about my sleeping habit. She said I will stick to the wall when I sleep n I will accidentally knock the wall n scared her sometimes. Lol.. True.. her conclusion was I dun have enuf sense of security. I totally agreed! Im that kind of people which lack of sense of security due to those family problems of mine. Lol found out another secret of myself again. Lol seriously I dun really know well about myself. So dun doubt about wad I said. It was really a secret b4 i found out. Isn't it? =) Maybe this is also a answer for why I wanna a brother so badly? Thanks YY. Next!!

This 2 weeks, always when i have free time, alomost every moment of my free time or I shld say is almost all the time when does not need to think about other thing, immediately my mind will be thinking about the absence of my brother in my life as in leaving me, leaving Malaysia and go to New Zealand for studies and also staying there. I seriously cant imagine how my life would be. Christine warned me about it. She did told me that 1 day he will leave me. She asked me not to rely on him so much. That time I just dun put her words in my mind n heart. That time we were form5. I just cant believe time comes and goes so fast. If not mistaken, 4 more months he will leave college, 10 more months he will leave here n go to New Zealand. Chris's words reappear in my mind. I dun feel like crying... Yet? n I cant imagine the life without him. Lol seriously cant imagine. I rely on him too much..too much.. He is like my backbone. Wad I can do now is treasure the moments we have now. He said he will be back. I truly believe. =) Just hope I can adapt to the new life without him which is coming soon...very soon.. I guess friends around me are willing to help me? =) Happiness.. I treasure every moment of happiness. I love to laugh. I love to spread my happiness to everyone beside me. They happy, I will feel happy with them. I happy, I want them to be happy too. This is the definition of LIFE for me. =) Last thing, still the same, Thanks YY!!

Smile =)

Angel [10.21pm 5th September 2010]